Uncertainty

What is it about the rain that makes all your thoughts spring into action?

Everything in my life is evolving quickly. Which is what I want it to be doing, but I know that some of the things I am doing to preoccupy my mind, or take my mind off of other things, aren't making me happy in the least bit, they are actually making things worse.

I know what I am choosing to do now should be replaced with God. Church. Bible Study.. but I don't understand God right now. I don't understand why some things are happening, and while there has been a lot of times where I don't understand, I just can't shake my constant sort of anger at Him. I know this is okay, because he is my Father, and He understands, but it still bothers me, being angry.

How do you force yourself to stop thinking about something? It's odd actually, and something I can't understand. Lately, I have gotten a new job, signed a lease, am moving to a new city, agreed to start modeling, am interior decorating, and still working my other job.. yet, I still find myself not occupied enough to stop having the same thoughts.

I know what I need to do in my life. I know what I need, which is what I have done or been doing lately, but what if the thought of what I want to do won't go away. It's a constant, and I don't understand it.. I guess maybe I'm not meant to.