A Favorite.

"That's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings, you have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing. So it's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. We'll have to work at it, every day, but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day"

This could actually be my favorite love quote. It applies to my life so well. You would think it would be bad to fight with the one you love, but I don't think so. How would you ever learn about each other and learn all of the different sides to each other if everything was always perfect. I'm not saying drastically fighting all the time is good, but arguing, because you love each other, because you would rather fight with them than be with anyone else, because you want to make it work that bad that you aren't willing to let them get away with things that bother you.. I think that's good. Just my opinion. good night :)

Impetuous.

I have succeeded in making myself physically sick because I am so emotionally sick. Has anyone else ever accomplished this before? And I don't mean just tired. I mean I have ran my body down so emotionally that I put myself in the hospital. Way to go me right. Ridiculous.

The best things in life are free? I don't think so.

I think saying the best things in life are free, is an untrue statement. Everything comes at a cost. Lets take love, the thing that would come to mind first as a great thing that is also "free". Love is free, most people would say, and love is probably the greatest feeling a human can comprehend. But how do you define free? Because to me, emotional costs are much worse than fiscal costs. Nothing in this life is free, and I believe the best things in life come at the greatest cost, with the greatest risk. For me, I would rather have the love of my life, than some billion dollar house on the beach. So to those of you that have found love, my advice, it is not free, not something that was just given to you. It is a gift, worth more money than I can think of. Cherish it, because when you lose it, it costs you the most, it costs you your heart.

Some would say God's love is free. True, but it still costs you. Because you have to endure pain and questioning, and sometimes even scorn and challenges because you accept this great love God gives.

Overall, my point. Nothing is free. Love is not free, it comes at a cost. So when you have it, cherish it. Don't question it. Don't tamper with it. Don't mistreat it. And most of all, don't let it go.

You have to remember what you deserve..

My blog title almost speaks for itself. It can be applied to almost anything. As a girl, we forget this a lot of times. I've grown up a lot in the past month, I've had to. This past weekend I got through my biggest fear, dealt with it, all on my own. I was out of town, and all by myself. That was almost a landmark in my adult years, because as anyone knows, dealing with the thing that scares you the most, especially when you have no one supporting you, is not an easy thing to do. But it showed me how strong I actually am, how strong I have become. Because the emotional turmoil I've dealt with over the past few months, and the "finding of myself" i've had to do all over again, has shown me what I can overcome and what I can get through. This "thing" as I will call it, the emotional mess, is trying to work itself back into my life. Its not fair, it never is. It's a constant struggle within my mind and within my heart not to let this "thing" back in. I want to, I feel the pressure to, but I wont, because I simply now know what I deserve.

kind of lost..

I hate feeling lost, like im not sure if this is where Im supposed to be or what Im supposed to be doing. I like my job, I like traveling.. but I feel like im missing out on something, like something is missing. I dont like this feeling, and im not sure how to fix it. I have narrowed down where I want to live, where I have to live, somewhere where I know people. Traveling around is fun, but not when you have nobody to share it with.

I hate being confused.

I'm at a crossroads, and I have no idea which way to turn. I know what I should do, I know what my mind is telling me to do.. but when it comes to my heart, something is different. I think? How do you know for sure? What if something or someone happens to you that changes you, not in a good or bad way, but just does.. to the point where its not easy just to let go. I realize its never easy to let someone go that you care about.. but Ive done it before, several times before. And this time I can't. I don't know why. It wont go away, this pain, this wonder, this confusion, all of it. It wont go away. My life is together in every other way except for this, except for him. I want this part of my life erased. I want one of those things like in "Men in Black" where you click it at your head and it erases your memories of something. That may sound like it would be bad, to erase the memories, but as long as they are there, as long as he is there, I cannot fully move on. Its never taken this long, its never been this way. Is anyone out there that knows what im talking about? At all?

What do I know of Holy..

Well.. this is my first post. I'm new to this blogging thing, but I have alot of thoughts so why not share. I've thought alot about what to write my first post about, so why not write about why I'm starting this. Alot of things have happened in my past, bad and good, but lately its been harder. I just graduated college, I have a job I'm unsure about, I refuse to date anyone because my last relationship was so bad, and Ive questioned God alot lately. However, through this questioning of God I keep getting tested by Him. Three atheists have challenged my beliefs in the past few weeks. Ive never been questioned before about my faith or about the existence of God before, until I doubted he cared anymore about me. Crazy how that works. But now I don't just want to prove it to myself, or secure my faith even more, I want to actually show how God works, how He created, that He created the earth. I WILL prove atheists wrong, and all unbelievers who simply say "if there was a God, why would bad things happen" or "who created God." I'll tell you the answers throughout these posts. I believe that evolution and Christianity go hand in hand, God created the earth, he is all wrapped up in our world, yet the world is evolving everyday. My research starts now. Ive been reading alot about the Bible, and I have recently purchased a book called Shocked by the Bible, and reading it is just that, shocking. Ill post my findings tomorrow.

So after all, what do you REALLY know of Holy?